Friday, 11 November 2011

Sometimes, I have these wtf-am-I-doing moments, about life and the way things are. I suppose we all do.

The thing is, I don't know why I should bother, given I have never really known. My wants have always been specific, short term and greedy. Some highs have been really high, some losses - well, I am still recovering from at least one of them.

What I feel smug about though, are experiences. Make that Experiences.

I don't even care where these stack up against even my own standards (sometimes I irritate myself by being extremely straightlaced) because these are the only things I really have. The only things I have earned: each mistake, each false step, each time I did something right.

And that's what I'll treasure. All the ups and downs and dramas and meltdowns. The things I still can't quite believe happened!

Here's hoping the rollercoaster never ends.

Monday, 20 June 2011

Here I am,

sniffling in bed, atop an antiseptic loft in a claustrophobic city. It is exactly as bad and sinister as I had worried it would be. There are no beggars, no filth, no pollution, no sound. The streets are neatly lined, with palm trees trapping humidity, one mall blending into another until the horizon stretches with massive testimonies to what man can do with concrete and money. There is no life, no spark, no vibe. A massive crowd of dead-eyed people amble through lit passageways and look at display windows, unenthusiastically and uninspiredly. It might be the mecca of all shoppers everywhere, but I will be damned if any designer could derive any inspiration whatsoever from this cosmetic urban nightmare.

I hate it here.

I walked home, taking detour after detour, hoping to find some redeeming factor. The wharf was a joke. I saw well dressed drunkards rifling through trashcans. Muted laughter, people looking bored.

I don't even want to think and compare this to Spain, or Italy... or no, I can't bear to mention my favourite city in the whole world.

What it's done is, it has made me suddenly see a certain charm in my own country. It may not be as safe, or convenient, or clean, but I would take that over this any damn day.

I am anxious to get out of this place and travel to Mexico, say or Peru, or Russia, to erase the memories of having come and lived here.