Sometimes, you want something so bad, you can't breathe when the desire hits you, overwhelms you. You feel trapped, cornered, because that is all you can feel with every fibre of your being.

I crack a joke, try to think of the work at hand. It is of no use: my mind is stuck with a picture, and I reach for songs that intensify the feeling. I try looking heavenward, wondering if prayers and selfish motives ever overlap.

Affirmations, willpower, The Secret - hell, I'd try anything.

I can understand now, why some people can risk everything on a turn of dice, especially when the losings pile up.