Mistakes

There are some irredeemable mistakes you have to live with and no amount of crying, taking responsibility or drawing lessons from the experience can ease the pain.

These are the things you do which you can't forgive yourself for. And while I may wince at being bluntly judged by those whose opinions matter, my inner critic is working overtime. And that's the voice that truly hurts.

I am beginning to realise the importance of being tough and decisive. Being nice is not really a virtue, because what I thought it involved are in fact things I detest. So while you think you are being sensitive, you are actually shirking from something you know will be unpleasant for you. When you stay mum in situations that you should actually bulldoze into, you aren't being tactful and kind, you are escaping from a confrontation.

Diplomacy is not such a great thing after all, speaking up can shock people but will be much more effective. And brute force is equally necessary in order to correct what's going terribly wrong.

There have been so many instances when something wrong has happened right under my very nose and sometimes to people I truly care about. Even then, I have chosen to stay out of it.

I wish now, I wasn't quite so tactful and nice. I wish I had been really unpleasant, rude and in your face. I wish I had nagged, shouted, been offensive and made life miserable for the people in question until they actually did what they were trying to get out of. They might have hated me for the rest of their lives, which by the way, is always my biggest concern. But winning friends isn't half as important as doing the right thing. And unfortunately, these days, the two seem to be becoming more and more mutually exclusive.

I'll get off my soapbox now, and stop this brief and vague sermon. But the next time someone says something that really pisses you off, ask yourself why and you will realise, it's probably because it was the truth.